Connecting to your vulnerable child part /exile
The practices on tis page will help you connect, get to know and find some warmth towards that young part of us that carries the vulnerable experience .
What you need to know when doing the meditations
When we do meditations to make contact with the vulnerable child part of us it’s very common that other parts of us will interrupt us saying things like
“I’ll get stuck in this emotion, it will leave me destroyed, I won’t be able to function”
“I should be over this by now”
“Ive already dealt with this feeling, I already know this part”
“This won’t get me anywhere, no point feeling this again”
You know it makes sense to feel something but instead you feel nothing/numbness
These parts protect us from feeling the pain that vulnerable child still carries. It’s important to respect how our system limits our capacity to feel this and at the same time gradually stretch into feeling more.
I created a gatekeeper meditation that helps you connect to this part of you so it gives you a little more trust and space to contact the vulnerable child.
You can do this before the inner child meditation, to prepare for it, or after it, if you notice a part that blocks you.
A guide to making the meditations more effective
Approach this part of you with genuine curiosity.
This works much better if you treat it like a person you're trying to understand. It can tell the difference between curiosity and judgement. You don't need to like the habit. You just need to be willing to hear what it has to say.
Ask the questions and listen. Don't analyse.
I'll guide you to ask questions to the part of you that drives this old habit. Just ask internally and notice what comes back. Think of it like dropping a pebble into still water and watching the ripples. You might get a word, an image, a feeling, a sensation — or nothing at all.
If nothing comes, stay with the sensation in your body until the next question.
I'll sometimes offer the same question twice in different words. If neither version lands, let it go.
You don't need to follow the whole meditation.
Wherever you get to is enough. You're building a relationship with this part of you, it doesn't all need to happen in one sitting.
If emotions come up, let them.
Tears, sadness, grief, anger, these are a normal part of the process and often a sign that something meaningful is being reached. If at any point it feels like too much, open your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, and take a few breaths before deciding whether to continue or stop.
Practices on this page
Gatekeeper / Protector
If you are doing this meditation as a preparation for the inner child meditation then imagine beginning to feel that vulnerable child experience.
What is your primary part that has concerns, resists or just doesn't see the point?
Common concerns and resistance are…
“I’ll get stuck in this emotion, it will leave me destroyed, I won’t be able to function”
“Should be over this by now / self-indulgent”
Even though you know it makes sense to feel something you don't / numbness
“Ive already dealt with this /I already know this part”
“This won’t get me anywhere, no point feeling this again”
If you’re doing this meditation because you did the vulnerable child meditation and you got interrupted by a protective part then remember the concern it had about feeling that vulnerable child and focus on that during the meditation.
Gatekeeper / Protector Meditation
You can also refer to the guide to how to make these meditations more effective at the bottom of this page.
Gatekeeper Journaling prompts
Write down any reflections you have about that experience that seem important. If you want you can use these questions
What kinds of things does it say?
Where did you feel this protector in your body? What did it feel like?
What is this part is trying to do for you? How is it trying to help?
What it afraid afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job?
How old is it?
What was happening around that age?
How do you feel toward this protector now, having spent time with it?
Was there anything that surprised you?
Other Child Meditation
For this exercise you will need to have identified the age of either the vulnerable child or the protective part
The age of either the vulnerable child or the protective part
What was happening back then that was challenging
We will use “the other child” technique. This means we will explore what happened to you through the eyes of another child you know first before connecting to your own experience.
Think of a child you know, roughly this age (not your own children). If you can't think of a child either remember a childhood friend or just: “Imagine a child that age.”
Got someone? Hold them in mind.
Journaling prompts
Write down any reflections you have about that experience that seem important. If you want you can use these questions
What struck you or most stood out for you about this experience?
When you turned from the other child towards your own inner child. What did you feel toward your own inner child?
What changed in your body during this process?
What did your inner child want you to know?
What was it you did or said that was most supportive for them?
(remember this and use this when that part appears in your daily life)What did they ask for in the next 7 days?
“Shortcut” Meditation
Below is an 11min meditation I recorded to get into your body and connect with an exiled part of you.
To do this meditation you will need to identify a part you want to connect with and a “short cut”. A short cut is a memory of a situation, an image or words that when you bring them to mind help you to connect with the younger version of that part of you.
For example, I have a part of me that feels abandoned and alone. The short cut to this part is remembering how I used to curl up on my bed as a child when I was feeling this.
Write a Letter to or from your part
Set a timer for 10–15 minutes.
Choose one of two options:
Write to the part: e.g., “Dear [part name], I see you and I want to understand you better...”
Write from the part: Let it speak freely in its own voice.
Don’t worry about structure or grammar, just let the words flow. Let curiosity lead.
After writing, pause and notice how you feel toward the part now. Has anything shifted?
You can re-read the letter before your next session if you’d like to continue the conversation.
Reminder Objects
Choose objects to represent the different parts you want to stay connected to and place them in your house so that you get a visual reminder in your everyday life.
This is just a quick way to make sure they pop into your mind, it does not mean you need to stop and meditate every time you see them. Just say a quick hello inside.
You can also make a mini shrine in one place in your house with all the parts you want to remember, which could also include a picture of you as a child.
Draw or Visualize the Part
Sit quietly and bring to mind the part you worked with in session.
Ask: “If this part had a shape, color, or image, what would it look like?”
Using pen, markers, or whatever you have, draw what comes up, no artistic skill needed.
You can label the drawing with a name or emotion
As you draw, stay curious. Notice what you feel toward the part. If there’s judgment, see if another part might be present, and gently ask it to step back so you can relate from Self.
📌 Keep the drawing somewhere you’ll see it as a reminder of the relationship you’re building.