Internal Family Systems for Couples (IFIO) | Compassionate Inquiry | Nonviolent Communication

Break the cycle of repeated arguments, improve your communication and enjoy a more harmonious, stable and intimate connection.

Are repeated arguments and misunderstandings damaging your relationship with your partner?

Does it feel like you are treading on eggshells and tired of all the instability and disconnection? 

Do you want to come back to that feeling of togetherness, like you're a team again?

I’ve been supporting people to improve communication, transform conflict and strengthen their relationships for over 10 years. 


I'd love to share the thinking that shapes how I work so you can get a sense if we are aligned.

All relationships will have their challenges. When couples are faced with these challenges they will either...

No relationship will stay healthy if there’s too much heated conflicts or drifting apart

A healthy, enduring relationship depends on a couples capacity to discuss the challenges in a way that leaves them both feeling understood, connected and clear how to move forward together.

Below the surface of most arguments is some version of this communication breakdown

⊚ “Hot Communicator” 

 Brings up an issue and expresses disapointment, emotional distress or desire for something to be different 

⊚ “Cool Communicator” 

Withdraws or gets defensive, to them it feels like an attack and wonder why they always seems to be the “problem”

⊚ “Hot Communicator” 

Feels frustrated they can't just listen and show they care. They respond from this rising frustration

⊚ “Cool Communicator” 

Feels cornered and either wait for the “storm” to pass, walks out or minimises what's being said in an attempt to get out of the conversation

⊚ When the conversation ends… 

Both feel misunderstood and disconnected. The tension and distance that follows these episodes is painful and drains your energy.

Does this sound familiar?

Why is it difficult to break free from this dynamic?

Because criticising, blaming, taking it personally, defending, justifying, withdrawing or escalating are all coping mechanisms.


They helped us as children cope with challenging situations by helping us avoid the difficult feelings we were left alone to manage.


As adults, these reactive coping mechanisms damage our relationships.


They're hard to stop because they fire automatically, before conscious thought kicks in. And since they once kept you safe, letting go of them can feel like removing a protection you still need.

How to overcome this?

By helping you both recognise these patterns as they arise and then go deeper, to the vulnerable feeling beneath them.


How old where you when you first started feeling this vulnerable feeling?

When we can see the vulnerable child still carries this familiar emotional weight it helps you hold that vulnerability together, with compassion, instead of reacting at the surface.


Once the reactivity hijacking your conversations lightens, the conversations can shift from “whose fault is it” to a deeper listening and “how can WE better support each other”.

Imagine if you could both

  • See and be emotionally present to the vulnerability behind each others reactions

  • Experienced less internal tension in difficult conversations

  • Hold responsibility together and know that nobody would be left alone with the blame

  • Felt a more stable, deeper and supportive connection

My work is grounded in training in Internal Family Systems (IFS), IFIO (Internal Family Systems for Couples), Compassionate Inquiry (developed by Gabor Maté), Nonviolent Communication and over 20 years of my own personal development experience.

What shapes my approach?

Let’s organise a free discovery call to understand your situation, goals and ask each other questions to see if we are a good fit.

If we go ahead, we will start with weekly sessions of 90min and you can switch to bi-weekly or end the process whenever it feels right.

I offer sessions online or in-person in Lisbon.

Interested?

Book a Free Discovery Call

Message me below and I will respond letting you know if I have availability and what times I have free for discovery calls.

Common questions I get from couples…

  • This is not just talk therapy, in the individual sessions we focus on body somatics and Compassionate Inquiry to transform deeper underlying patterns and traumas. We'll also focus on practical skills for improved communication and conflict resolution.

  • In the individual sessions I'll help you to get clear about what you want to express and in the joint sessions I will help that to be understood. When there are misunderstandings I will interrupt and help you to both hear and understand each other on a deeper level

  • I totally understand. This is also why I work with you both individually first, so you can build trust and connection with me, but also so we address and take care of these anxieties.

    It is a challenging and uncomfortable journey but then is it sustainable to stay in this place or better to shift what's making it exhausting?

  • Separating can be a highly traumatic process that has a long term impact on our well being. I have supported couples to make this a compassionate and connected transition that is kinder and honours the preciousness of the relationship.

  • I'm not impartial. I'm partial to you both - anything less and I become part of the problem - I know this and it guides all my work. Im on both your sides

  • The individual sessions make it easier for people to be fully sincere before we come together, helping ensure open communication.

This sounds good but it's not going to work for us

⊚ My partner is reluctant to do this together 

I created this free resource to support people to communicate with their partner about their desire to get external support (regardless of the outcome this tool will help you to reflect and take a stance).

I also offer a free discovery call, which is a great opportunity to invite partners to voice their concerns.

⊚ What if it’s already too far gone or we're just not compatible

There are no guarantees but don't you want to be able to look each other in the eye and have the peace of knowing you both did everything you could and that includes getting support.

⊚ At the moment we are just too busy and or exhausted

It's often the fragile connection in the relationship that is so draining, when we can improve that there is much more energy.