CONNECTED RELATING
9-Week Live Online Group Program
24th March - 20th May
Maybe you're the "hot" one.
You feel emotions deeply. When something's off, you speak up. But they often withdraw, get defensive or minimise your emotions.
You think “if they really cared they would try and understand or at least not treat my pain like a problem”.
Frustration rises up in you to try and get through to them, wanting understanding so you can feel less alone and more connected.
But they just go cold and the disconnection feels terrible.
Or maybe you're the “cold” one.
You often feel pressured and blamed for how they feel. It's like whatever you do it’s never enough.
The disappointment in and emotional intensity makes it feel like you're walking on eggshells.
You're often the one that “lets it go” to keep the peace but over time resentment builds as you increasingly feel invisible, unappreciated and like your needs come second to their distress.
You know how exhausting and damaging this pattern is, either because you're living it right now or because you experienced it in your last relationship.
The disconnection, instability and losing pieces of yourself along the way is tough.
You’re ready to change this.
For those of you that prefer video to text
What transforms this hot cold pattern?
I see it every single day in my practice.
People who break free from the hot-cold pattern and create a stable, authentic, connected relationship all make these same specific habit changes.
Hot Habit Changes
Self-soothe emotional distress before seeking it from your partner
Comfort your emotional distress before turning to your partner to understand you, validate your emotions, take responsibility or reassure you (especially when feeling disconnected).
Communicate needs without blame or intensity
Express what you need without the weight of criticism, blame, demands, or escalating emotions that makes it so difficult to hear you.
Make it safe for them to be vulnerable
When they resist what you want, complain or get defensive, try to understand what's important to them (aka empathy) instead of interrupting, pushing your point of view, or showing disappointment.
Cold Habit Changes
Stay present with emotional intensity
Feel ease and confidence when faced with difficult conversations, emotions, or criticism. Comfort emotional distress in yourself and your partner instead of trying to make the discomfort go away.
Stand up for your needs with warmth
Express what's important to you, say no and respect your boundaries instead of people-pleasing or "letting it go," but then feeling resentful and distant or exploding later on.
Allow your vulnerable side to be seen and supported
Feel safe to let people see your struggles and vulnerability and to ask for support instead of 'being the strong one', ignoring what you're really feeling or isolating yourself.
We'll be working together on changing these habits
in Connected Relating, a 9-week group program starting March 25th.
You already know these habit changes are important
Maybe you have already tried and even made progress with these
But it's difficult to make deeper lasting changes because
these aren't just habits, they're survival strategies you learned as a child
Rational understanding or trying harder
won’t transform habits wired into your nervous system since childhood
Most people fail to make fundamental changes because they don’t
use all three of the following approaches together
Inner Child Healing
Connect with the vulnerable inner child that's at the root of the discomfort they trigger in us.
Go beyond the rational mind and feel it in our physical and emotional body.
Offer it the compassion and reassurance it deserves that allows
it to release the familiar pain and beliefs it carries.
Communication Skills
Learn and practice simple, more connected ways to respond so that you’re ready when the time comes. Things like how to:
Speak up for what's important to you, say no and respect your
boundaries with warmthExpress how you feel in a way that invites understanding and care
Listen with a compassion that calms the distress, in you and them
Interrupt them taking all the space and ask if they are open to hearing you
Interrupt downward spirals effectively
Nervous System Regulation
The inner child healing gives you a deep somatic awareness of
the part of you that gets triggered and what it needs.
Then, in the moment, instead of just trying to calm down, you practice offering that part exactly what it needs to relax.
This brings you a greater ease and capacity to respond instead
of react.
What will it be like to participate in the
Connected Relating online group program?
You'll be in a small group of 12 people with similar challenges, all working on those habit changes using the three-layered approach to transform the hot-cold dynamic.
It will feel more like a gym than a lecture hall. We'll be practicing, sharing, participating, and discovering together.
Sessions will include guided meditations, small breakout groups where you can share experiences and do practices together, 1-1 coaching and Q&A.
Each session ends with a simple practice to try in your everyday life.
Hearing from people like your partner (or ex) helps you understand the vulnerability driving their challenging reactions, so you can respond with connection and clarity.
It will be deep and tender. But also warm and playful. No need to take ourselves too seriously or “get it right”. There will be laughter, tears and lots of mutual support.
After 9 weeks, you'll be surprised by how different your reality feels.
Practical Info
Every Wednesday 6-8pm (Lisbon time)
March 25th - May 20th
Investment is €800
If that investment is the only barrier, please get in touch, I have some flexibility for people who are genuinely committed but are unable to afford this.
Interested in joining the group?
Let's book a call so you can ask any questions you want, I can understand what you're hoping for and we can see if this really is a good match.
Fill out the form below and I'll send you a link to book a time.
For over a decade Kiu has supported individuals and couples transform conflict, improve communication and strengthen their relationships. His work is rooted in 22 years of dedication to his own personal development journey and his training in Compassionate Inquiry (Dr Gabor Maté), Internal Family Systems and Nonviolent Communication.
A core part of his work is helping people heal the emotional weight of past experiences that fuels reactive communication patterns, so they can enjoy relationships that feel more authentic, harmonious, and connected.
Over five thousand people have attended his workshops and leadership trainings in schools, NGOs, businesses, humanitarian organizations, and public learning spaces.